I have been big all my life – I’ve got Polycystic ovary syndrome which comes with a side of insulin resistance so that hasn’t helped matters.
But somewhere along the way I stopped caring about my health. It felt like well if I can spend 3 months going to the gym at least an hour a day for 3 months and not drop one ounce while my friend who was going with me dropped 10 then what’s the point.
But a part of me always remembered dropping the 26kg when I wasn’t even noticing back when I lived in Japan. I remember the look on the face of a friend I hadn’t seen in a few months when I walked in the room. Her jaw literally dropped as she just started at me.
I’d ballooned up to 116kg when I was in an abusive relationship and leaving him to go to Japan … I just dropped the weight. I had to walk at least 20 minutes almost every day as I lived at least a 10 min walk from the train station. Work was only about a 1-2 min walk away from the station at the other end. I did a lot. I hiked a bit, I visited new places but not as much as I should have. I wasted a lot of time in a rut when I was over there. But, I dropped the weight and didn’t even really notice. I had no scales just knew my clothes were huge but I was still way too big to buy clothes in Japan. I got home and I weighed 90kg. But I could not get over that 90 hump – and so I gave up.
I yoyoed between 100-110 for about 10 years then I moved in with a friend who’d lost her partner and took care of her for 2 years. Until circumstances brought me home. Dad was hit by a car and needed more care than just Mum and my brother could provide for him. Living with Mel caused a lot of stress. Not through her – apart from the smoking. But it’s her home and just a place I was living to me. I knew it wouldn’t be long term. I just wanted to help her get through the roughest part and boy did it get rough. Her phone company continued to send stuff addressed to her partner, and ask to talk to him when I called to sort various things out for TWO YEARS after his death. It took me 18 months of being promised it would never happen again before a CSR agreed with me that yes it would happen again. (This is 9 packages later and at least 3 phone calls. At one stage I was on the phone to them every day for a week. There was this and then the modem issue – that piece of crap needed to be rebooted every few hours. FINALLY after my 15th call they put me through to teir 3 support and sent out a different model. Oh look at that.. no more problems!) So – looking back I can see how I ballooned up to 125kg. It’s horrifying.
If I hit 110 I used to freak and I’d be on my way back down again. I was so depressed during this period, and I think it’s really only been the past few weeks that I’ve started to shake it off, that I watched the scale go up and up and just wasn’t motivated enough to care. This year I decided I do NOT want to be this size when I’m 40. It’s a month until my 39th birthday. That gives me 14 months to get in shape.
A few months ago I decided to try the C25k program. I got through week 1 fine but week 2 just seemed to put too much pressure on my right knee. I’m still having issues. I decided that I need to get some weight off before I try again. The funniest thing happened – I fell in love with running and it’s killing me that I can’t do it. I was getting up at 530-6 every day and going up to the local park to run before anyone was around to laugh at the fat girl. I bought a treadmill first and started on that but people were really encouraging online (thanks reddit runners!) and I decided to give outside a try. I didn’t get far and I didn’t go fast but there was just something about moving that really got to me.
I am seeing my doc next week and I’m going to see about getting the 5 free physio visits I can get and ask her what weight I’m going to have to get down to before I can get back to it again. I have registered for the Santa Fun Run on Dec 1st and I would love it if you could show me support by either donating (it’s for the variety club – a great chartity) even just $2 will help! Or passing the link around – or even coming and joining in with me on the day! You can donate or read more about it at my Santa Fun Run Page.
For the past month or so I’ve been toying with joining something to get me to be accountable. I was leaning towards weight watchers because I know it’s working for other friends. But, it just didn’t feel right. So I started talking to my ex boss (we both left the company years ago but stayed friends) about it. She was saying how she’d done the Michelle Bridges 12wbt and loved it. Another friend had done it with her partner as well so I asked her about it. She loved it. I started doing some research – and talked some more to Jo about it.
I then looked into the price and my jaw dropped. I thought it was going to be $600 and completely out of my reach at the moment. (I’m on a carers pension for looking after Dad.) It’s only $200 or $20 a week. Less than joining a gym – comes complete with workouts and teaches you how to cook the food. So you learn how to live a healthier lifestyle.
I have to say I don’t think I’d be doing as well if it wasn’t for Jo – who I check in with every day. I’ve taken to calling her coach as I report in the highs and lows of my journey. It’s been a week now and the worst of the headaches are gone. I think going from pretty much frozen/junk/bad food to healthy vibrant fresh food put me into a sort of withdrawal. But, I’m doing a lot better than I was.
I took my before shot – which I may post later. I’m not ready for that sort of scrutiny by strangers on the internet (or people I know!) yet. I have this tshirt I won years ago – it was for Signs – so that shows you how long I’ve had it. I fitted into it once for a while and then went up again. So, I’m wearing that and a pair of shorts as my sfw before shot. I’ll take that every Wednesday on weigh in day now. It will be interesting when I get to the end of this 12 weeks to see how they are fitting.
So, I have to thank Jo for being there with me on this journey and still supporting me even years after we left that workplace! She is awesome and I hope you all have Coach Jo in your life.
I made another friend a couple of months ago – also called Jo- who has decided to come walking with me at an ungodly hour of the morning with me once a week. I’m taking Flame out every day but Saturday. Flame is loving it and training comes up in January. I told Lee I was going to walk Flame down to the training and then hitch a lift back with her and Yogi. As my time improves I may end up just walking both ways. We shall see. I don’t want to over do it.
So, we needed to set 3 goals. 2 mini goals and one big one. My first is the fun run – doing the 5k walk on Dec 1. My 2nd will be a 8-10k hike that coach Jo is going to organise (thanks Jo!) with a bunch of other 12wbters. My 3rd one is going to be hike Wilpena Pound with my camera. I love the Flinders Rangers and I’ve always been sad knowing I’m not going to be able to make the whole 23k trek. Yikes. I didn’t realise it was 23k. Good huge goal I’ve sent for myself there!
The support on the boards is amazing and from within my friends too. I really don’t feel like I’m alone on this journey although I know I am the only one who can take this journey. It’s taken me a long time to get here and I’m hoping it will only take me around 12 months to get to where I want to be – and when I get there? I am heading off to get my scuba diving license. Something I have dreamed of since I was 12.
Oh, and I want to buy a sea kayak. It came as a shocking realisation to me a couple of years ago that the things I love to do are active. But, I’ve let my weight hold me back – not any more. I’m giving myself mini rewards for each milestone – but the greatest reward of all is going to be when I head over to Britain/Scandinavia in 2015 and give Taggie a run for her money. We meet up every 5 years or so and do a road trip. Every time I am subjected to what I call “Taggie’s bootcamp.” and next time – I’m going to keep up!
It’s actually quite scary putting all this in public with the whole what if I don’t make it tapes running around in my head. I must smash them and perhaps go read my favourite golden book of all time when I was a kid “I think I can I think I can” and before you know it the train is over the hill and wooshing down the other side.
So, I’ve decided that the weekends on the blog will be dedicated to weight loss. I am also thinking about doing a vlog but that’s something I’ll ask my editor friend to help me out with once I have a few ready to go. I’m still not sure I’m ready for that commitment yet but I know it would be a great motivator for someone down the line. It’s not impossible. You just have to be ready and boy am I ready this time.
Bring it on!